Theme of the week: I run into some major anxiety towards the end of the week and that affects my running in negative ways.

Runs (and swims and strength training):

Sunday, August 29 – “Recovery Run”/Swim/Strength training

Run: 8.6 miles.  10:46 per mile.  Strides: 163 per min.  Heart rate: 147 bpm.  Temps: 75-81°F, sunny, hot.  9:50 am.

This was an easy paced (or slightly faster than easy based on heart rate), hilly (440 ft. gain) run.  I have no idea why I decided to push harder after a hard effort yesterday (10 miles at 10:31/mile), in higher heat and humidity today, but I did.

Sometimes I feel better on days I get my heart pumping harder.  I finished, super sweaty!  I then realized I dropped my water bottle again, and went on a 10 minute, 1.5 mile bike ride to retrieve it.

Swim: 1:00 pm.  61 minutes.  50 laps/2,500 yards.

100 yards each of breast, free, back, breast kickboard, 400 yards free, 100 yards back, IM, back, free kickboard, 400 yards free, 100 yards back, IM, back, back kick, IM, back, 200 yards free, 100 yards back.

I had to share the lane today with two different guys (not at the same time) – one was a super fast highschool/college (maybe?) athlete.  Doing fly while splitting a lane is tricky.

My feet and calves were cramping up on this swim.  I estimated my sweat loss from running and biking this morning at 6 pounds of fluids, even with drinking a lot of electrolytes during and after (3.5 servings Gatorade powder, 3x 17 ounces fluids), and more water during this swim, this was clearly not enough.  (There was another puddle of liquid in my bathroom when I got back from the swim, from my sweaty running clothes dripping on the floor – so I guess today was a very sweaty run.)

I switched to breast stroke on the last length of fly (out of 3 total), because my left calf cramped up, but not until after I dolphin kicked my way underwater for 2/3 of the length.  Solid effort swimming.

Strength training: 2:26 pm.  68 minutes. 

This was a solid strength training session at the gym.  (It’s also the last time I went, so I guess I’m behind on my strength training now.)

Monday, August 30 – Run

Run: 7 miles.  11:02 per mile.  Strides: 160 per min.  Heart rate: 137 bpm.  Temps: mid 70s°F, humid.  9:45 am. 

This was an easy paced, hilly (355 ft. gain) run.  The forecasters indicated it would be raining during this run.  Unfortunately, it was just extremely humid. 

I felt nauseous most of the run, my allergies have been bad the last several days, and today I have congestion, runny nose, and an irritated throat (ragweed, chenopods, and nettle are all high). 

Because it was slightly cooler, it took longer to start sweating heavily (10-12 minutes, instead of my usual 5-6).  Once I started sweating, I felt better.  My heart rate was lower than the last few runs – it’s probably good to slow my heart down (a little) after a hard workout (or several workouts).  No DOMS from strength training, fingers crossed.  (I went hard on my arms at the gym yesterday, so we’ll see what happens in a couple hours.)

Future me is proud to say: No DOMS from strength training today.

Tuesday, August 31 – Run/Swim

Run: 7 miles.  10:54 per mile.  Strides: 161 per min.  Heart rate: 136 bpm.  Temps: 70s°F, light rain. 9:57 am.

This was an easy paced, hilly (378 ft. gain) run.  There was a light, persistent rain the entire run, which was a nice change.

My anxiety is slightly higher this afternoon, I can’t tell it it’s from changing hormones (probable), or less morning sun than normal.

I’m planning on swimming this afternoon, maybe that will help get me out of this funk.

Swim: 3:43 pm. 67 minutes.  52 laps/2,600 yards

100 yards breast, free, back, breast kickboard, 600 yards free, 200 yards back, 100 yards free kickboard, 600 yards free, 200 back, 100 back kick, 100 IM, 50 back, 100 IM, 50 back, 100 elementary backstroke.

This was a nice relaxing swim today.  I skipped weights because I wasn’t feeling up to it after the swim.

Wednesday, September 1 – Run

Run: 7 miles.  11:27 per mile.  Strides:  159 per min.  Heart rate: 135 bpm.  Temps:  high 60s, low 70s°F, windy.  9:55 am.

The weather is much cooler today, and this should have been a great run.  I woke up feeling queasy/not hungry, and at 9 am I wasn’t sure I would run at all beacuase I felt really sick.  I felt ok enough to run by 10 am.

I kept it at an easy paced, did my normal hill route (365 ft. gain), I’m still feeling pretty crappy 3 hours after finish the run, possibly mild food poisoning or a stomach bug, hopefully not Covid (see below – it’s probably not any of those things).  My allergies have been real bad the last week and with cooler temperatures and wind, I can’t rule out allergies causing stomach issues.  I’m hoping this goes away real fast – I hate feeling sick.

Update from future me: This was probably anxiety.  Anxiety makes me nauseous and not want to eat.  There is a “valid” cause for my anxiety this time around.  See weekly running round-up below.  (All anxiety has valid causes – my own anxiety issues have often been caused by high levels of estrogen compounding with anxious thoughts.  This time around there is a cause of anxiety and I don’t think it estrogen – at least I hope not, because last time around also involved a giant fibroid and that is not something I want.)

Thursday, September 2 – Run/Swim

Run: 7 miles.  11:16 per mile.  Strides:  161 per min.  Heart rate: 143 bpm.  Temps:  high 60s, low 70s°F, sunny, breezy.  10:00 am.

I woke up feeling nauseous again – I’m not sure if this is related to anxiety (which is creeping back in, but for a good reason), or allergies.  I recent downloaded the Zyrtec app on my phone for its pollen tracker, but it had me log symptoms for a few days and is predicting today will be a “rough day”.  It doesn’t help that runny nose and itchy, watery eyes make me feel like I’ve been crying all day, without actually crying.  Anyway, I wasn’t hungry this morning but forced down a (slightly smaller than normal) bowl of oatmeal. 

This was an easy paced, hilly (374 ft. gain) run.  My heart rate is a bit higher than it should be for this pace – partly light infiltration on my watch when headed east, partly some generalized anxiety. 

I almost lost interest in my run today, halfway through, that hasn’t happened in a very long time.

Swim: 3:59 pm.  46 minutes.  40 laps/2,000 yards

100 yards breast, free, back, 50 yards breast kick, 400 yards free, 100 back, 50 free kick, 400 free, 100 back, 50 back kick, 100 IM, 50 back, 100 IM, 50 back, 100 IM, 50 back, 100 elementary backstroke.

I was feeling anxious on this swim.  I kept it easy and short.  I’m not sure swimming was all that helpful today, normally I feel relaxed after, but still, a lot of nerves.

Friday, September 3 – Run

Run: 8 miles.  11:07 per mile.  Strides: 162 per min.  Heart rate: 150 bpm.  Temps: high 60s, low 70s°F, sunny. 10:14 am.

This was an easy paced (ignore the heart rate – that’s anxiety), flat (198 ft. gain) run.  I did not sleep well last night, I haven’t been eating well that last 2-3 days (i.e. not eating enough food), and I was feeling very anxious during this run due to the unrelated but very exciting thing I was about to do after the run. 

It’s so strange seeing my heart rate this high, and super frustrating that the weather is so nice and I’m not really enjoying it. I wanted to quit this run so many times, definitely increasingly after 4 miles in.  I have zero problems running most days, but right now it is tough.

Saturday, September 4 – Long Run

Run: 10 miles.  11:21 per mile.  Strides: 160 per min. Heart rate: 139 bpm.  Temps: 70s°F, sunny.  9:55 am.

I wasn’t sure a long run would happen this week, with anxiety levels way up.  Today was better than yesterday, and while I was still feeling pretty anxious, I was much calmer than yesterday.  Due to not eating as much as normal, I wasn’t feeling energetic towards the end of this run, so I didn’t push hard for the last few miles.

This was an easy paced, hilly (437 ft. gain) long run.

After this run, I went on a  three mile hike with my sister and three nephews, which was nice, then watched all 4 nephews (10, 9, 6, and 2) while my sister and brother-in-law went out to dinner.  This was good anxiety relief – the kids were all well behaved and such sweet people to be around.

Running wrap-up

1.)  It’s a big week for me.  Not in terms of running miles, not swimming, just in general.  Finally, after years of uncertainty about my health and months and months of trying to convince myself I have the confidence to return to work in my chosen field now that I’m healthy, I bit the bullet and submitted a cover letter and CV for a position on Friday.

My heart rate on my runs, especially Thursday, Friday, and probably Saturday, are elevated.  This is from stress/anxiety and not sleeping well.  Applying for jobs makes me anxious, the thought of actually returning to work and moving and all that comes with it (buy a car, find an apartment, change driver’s license, utilities, new health care, etc.) makes me anxious.  (I had a near melt down earlier this week when I realized I’m going to have to switch my phone plan from Sprint to something else since Sprint merged with T-mobile and they are switching all Sprint people to switch over, which is much more expensive than my current Sprint plan.  Multiply that by everything in my life, and this contributes to anxiety).

For the first time in a very long time, I struggled on my runs this week due to high anxiety.  I don’t think this is the same kind of anxiety that I experienced in November 2019, and I’m working hard not to let it spiral out of control.  This is definitely self-inflicted.  Change is hard, and my body and brain are resisting this type of change big time now.

The idea of returning to work, and being a more productive and closer to “normal” me, is very exciting, and also scary.  Applying for jobs is much more stressful for me than actually doing the work.  There is a big part of me that is terrified that I’m going to fail, that I’m no longer that smart, successful person I was in the past, before hypothyroidism and thyroid cancer and anemia.  The idea of working full-time, 40 hrs (plus) seems difficult.  But if I can run for 90 minutes, swim, and lift weights on the same day, and do that multiple times a week, I should be able to function in a work environment as well (with less exercise, to start with).

Arggh!  Exciting, scary.  But as for running, hopefully the anxiety now that things are moving forward will calm down.  Even if I don’t get this job, going through this process will make it that much easier the next time around.

The fact that I’m writing about it now, while the anxiety is still going on, and not curled up in a ball on my bed for weeks, means I am handling it better than the last round of extreme anxiety in 2019.  And, if I had to predict my reaction to starting to apply for jobs before the anxiety started – “freaking out a little” would have been high on the list of predictions.  I wish I could handle change and opening up myself for new opportunities better than I currently am, but given the circumstance, some anxiety is to be expected.  This is where I am right now.

(Update – as of Sept. 9^th, I’m still feeling some anxiety, it came way down in the evening on Sept. 7^th, then went back up when I heard back from my potential employer on Sept. 8^th, I will probably be in a somewhat anxious state for the next several days/weeks.  The goal is to now manage the anxiety and remain optimistic about returning to work.)

2.)  I’m thrilled that despite the anxiety, I managed to run every day this week.  There have been times in the past when anxiety has prevented me from running (it might still happen in the future – life is unpredictable and I don’t handle stress all that well sometimes).

My strength training has completely fallen off, and might for awhile until I get the anxiety under more control.  It is easier to keep running once I start, the momentum with strength training is not the same.  I have to be purposefully motivating myself to lift weights, and right now, it’s just not there.

3.)  My weight took a nose dive at the end of this week.  It turns out if you are not eating enough, your weight will drop real fast (this is probably just a drop in stomach/digestive system contents, not fat loss and hopefully not muscle loss).  I am probably eating “enough”, just not as much as normal.  If I had to guess calorie range, I’d say normally I eat 2,400-2,700 calories depending on how active I am.  Right now, I’d guess I’m eating about 1,400-1,600 calories, which is probably fine in the short term.  I know in general I feel a lot better if I’m more active and hungry all the time, and that’s not what’s happening right now.

Total walking + running miles this week (August 29 – September 4): 65.75 miles (up 3.93 from last week)

Total walking + running miles this year (2021): 2,466.3 miles

Total steps this week (August 29 – September 4): 122,470 steps (up 5,060 from last week)

Total steps this year (2021): 4,736,360 steps

Average steps per day (August 29 – September 4):  17,495 steps (up 723 from last week)

Average steps per day (2021): 19,175 steps

Total running miles this week (August 29 – September 4): 54.74 miles (up 2.6 from last week)

Average running mileage per week (2021): 57.00 miles

Total running miles this year (2021): 2,011.26 miles

Average running speed this week (not including hill repeats) (August 29 – September 4):  11:08/mile.  (5 seconds slower per mile than last week)

Average running speed this year (2021): 11:35 per mile

Average running heart rate this week (August 29 – September 4): 141 bpm (up 3 bpm from last week)

Average running heart rate this year (2021): 138 bpm

Average resting heart rate this week (August 29 – September 4): 55 bpm (down 2 bpm from last week)

Average resting heart rate this year (2021): 58 bpm

Elevation gain this week (August 29 – September 4): 2,547 ft. (up 118 ft. from last week).

Elevation gain this year (2021):  91,120 ft.

Average elevation gain per week (2021): 2,582 ft.

Swimming distance this week (August 29 – September 4): 7,100 yards/142 laps/4.03 miles

Average swimming pace this week (August 29 – September 4): ~1:11/50 yards lap or ~2:21/100 yards.  (This includes stoppage time and a variety of laps including kickboard laps, and talking to people in the pool this week)

Average swimming pace this year:  ???  To be determined.

Swimming distance this year (2021): 111,500 yards/2,232 laps/63.35 miles

Average swimming distance/week (2021, starting on April 23): 5,781 yards/116 laps/3.28 miles

Current thyroid medication: 137.5 mcg/day levothyroxine + 5 mcg x 2 times a day liothyronine. Started on Aug. 11, 2020.

Weight, weight fluctuate

Weight: 162.4 lb (down 1.7 lb from last week).

Weight January 1, 2021: 163.3 lb

Weight change since Jan 1, 2021: -0.9 lb

Previous week:  August 22 – August 28, 2021

Next week:  September 5 – September 11, 2021